Breaking Up with Your Therapist

Breaking up with your therapist might feel a bit like awkwardly trying to end a first date that went horribly wrong or ending a relationship that has taken its course—lots of shuffling feet and avoiding eye contact. But, just like in dating, it's necessary for your journey. Whether it’s because your therapist talks more about themselves than listens to you, you overheard them washing dishes during your phone call, or you just feel like therapy is going nowhere, knowing when to say “it’s not you, it’s me” is key. So, let’s dive into the signs that it’s time to move on, how to do so without resorting to ghosting, and what to do after.

Recognizing the Signs

Sometimes it is clear when a breakup needs to occur and at other times it can be hard to determine. To get you started, here are some signs that it might be time to end the relationship:

You Feel Stuck

If your sessions feel more like a rerun of your least favorite show—same issues, no plot twist—it might be time to change the channel. If you are not learning anything, making connections in your life, or feeling any progress, it’s not you, it’s the therapy!

Discomfort with the Therapist

The process of therapy can be uncomfortable at times because growing and changing are tough, but if you feel discomfort in your relationship with your therapist, it’s a red flag. Trust is crucial! If your therapist interrupts you more than your mother-in-law or dismisses your feelings like your high school boyfriend, it’s time to rethink that relationship.

Mismatched Therapeutic Techniques

If you have ever heard terms like DBT, CBT, or EMDR, then you have heard terms for different therapeutic techniques. Therapists use many different therapeutic techniques in their work and finding the right technique for you is important. If not, you may find yourself as a grown adult being told to play with little figurines on a sand tray and wondering what have I gotten myself into? (Spoiler: This is called play therapy.)

When Life Changes Occur

Life transitions can shake things up. Whether you've just received an infertility diagnosis, filed for divorce, or lost a loved one, these changes can impact the effectiveness of your therapy. Some therapists are with you for a season. Your therapist may have been great for supporting you with workplace stress, but now you are caregiving for an elderly parent and they don't seem to get it. If your therapist is struggling to support you with a new life change, it might be time to find a different therapist who can.

Preparing for the Breakup

So, you’ve decided it’s time to part ways. Here’s how to approach this conversation without drama:

Be Honest

When it’s time for the big talk, honesty is important. Share your reasons sincerely while also being kind. Think of it as a breakup—kind but firm. Clear communication helps them understand your perspective and maybe even improve their practice!

Prepare For Questions

Your therapist might have questions about your decision, especially if it feels like it came out of nowhere. Don't panic. This is normal! Therapists are taught to explore the reason a client ends therapy, and they are trained to emotionally handle the feedback you share. So be ready to share your thoughts; it might lead to a constructive discussion instead of an awkward silence.

Discuss Next Steps

If you’re feeling brave, talk about what’s next. This could include asking for recommendations for other therapists or referrals for a different type of therapy.

After the Breakup

Breaking up with your therapist can feel like a weight lifted, but it can also stir up uncomfortable emotions. Here’s what to keep in mind:

Don't Give Up

After having a breakup with a therapist (or even multiple), it can feel like therapy just isn't right for you, but the truth is that the therapist wasn't right for you. Do not let a bad connection keep you from getting the help you need.

It can feel like therapy just isn't right for you, but the truth is that the therapist wasn't right for you.

Explore New Options

When you feel ready, start looking for a new therapist who gets you. Use online directories, ask your primary care physician for recommendations, and prepare for a new round of “getting to know you” therapy sessions.

Interview Therapists

Has anyone ever told you that you can interview a therapist before you start working with them? Many therapists offer a free phone consultation in which you can get to know one another before you start working together. This is a great time to ask your therapist questions that would help you determine if they would be a good match for you. Not sure what to ask? See blog, Finding a New Therapist.

Consider Self-Help Strategies

While you’re on the hunt for a new therapist, look into self-help strategies to keep your mental health in check. Binge-listen to mental health podcasts, download some mental health apps (like Calm or Headspace), or join a support group. They can be a safety net while you search for a new therapist!

Moving Forward

Always remember to trust your gut. If you feel something is off, lean into that and ask yourself if it might be time for a breakup. When you find the therapist who suits you best, the breakup will have felt worth it!