Neurodiversity in Women: Understanding, Supporting, and Empowering

Neurodiversity in Women

Neurodiversity is simply a different way the brain processes and experiences the world. While society often designs systems to accommodate those who are more neurotypical, such as standardized testing or rigid workplace structures, these environments can unintentionally exclude neurodivergent individuals. For example, a standardized test might measure performance based on speed, but for a neurodivergent person, their brain may need more time to process information deeply and effectively. They may thrive in environments that allow for movement, frequent breaks, or alternative ways of demonstrating their abilities. Neurodiversity is not a deficiency; it’s a reminder that human brains are meant to function in diverse and powerful ways, and expecting them all to operate the same is both unrealistic and unfair.

This topic is particularly important for women. Many women are only now discovering that the anxiety, depression, burnout, and struggles they faced throughout their lives were connected to undiagnosed neurodivergence. They’re beginning to understand why certain jobs never felt sustainable, why traditional relationship dynamics didn’t fit, and why they’ve long felt disconnected from who they were “supposed” to be. For many, this realization brings a profound sense of grief, grieving the younger versions of themselves who went unsupported, grieving opportunities lost, and wondering how different life might have been if their needs had been understood earlier.

Historically, neurodiversity, especially conditions like ADHD and autism, has been far more frequently diagnosed in men. As a result, countless women have reached their 30s, 40s, or even 60s before receiving a diagnosis, spending decades believing they were “broken” or in need of fixing. The truth is, there was never anything wrong with them; the problem lies in a world that failed to recognize and support the way their brains were designed to thrive.

The Unique Presentation of Neurodiversity in Women

Masking & Camouflaging

Many neurodiverse women learn early to mask their differences, often in subtle but exhausting ways. This can look like perfectionism, controlling their environment, or mimicking the behavior and social cues of those around them. For instance, a student might appear high-achieving and organized while secretly struggling with anxiety, depression, or burnout. At work, they may fall behind not because of a lack of ability, but because the structure of the job doesn’t align with how their brain functions, long hours at a desk without breaks or stimulation can be particularly challenging. In relationships, neurodiverse women may focus intensely on tasks or responsibilities, unintentionally signaling to their partner that they are disengaged, even when that isn’t the case.

Masking can be adaptive in some situations, but long-term camouflaging often leads to exhaustion, low self-esteem, and the feeling of being “never enough.” Hobbies, personal interests, and authentic self-expression may be suppressed as women try to fit into the expectations of school, work, or society.

Subtle or Misunderstood Symptoms

Women’s neurodiverse traits often present in ways that are easy to misinterpret. Emotional dysregulation, bursts of energy followed by crashes, or hyperfocus on specific tasks can be mistaken for mood disorders or impulsivity. Maladaptive perfectionism, where self-worth is tied to achieving unrealistic standards, can show up in areas like organization, food, body image, or daily routines. These traits often lead to secondary diagnoses, such as anxiety, depression, or even bipolar disorder, when in reality, they are coping responses to a system that isn’t designed to accommodate neurodiverse brains.

Late Diagnoses

Many women receive diagnoses of ADHD, Autism, or other neurodiverse conditions later in life, sometimes in their 40s, 50s, or even 60s. This late recognition often brings grief, frustration, and anger: grief for the missed opportunities and support in their younger years, frustration at the lack of understanding from systems designed for neurotypical individuals, and anger at the years spent feeling “broken” or inadequate. Late diagnoses can also shape identity, providing both relief and a complex process of reevaluating past experiences. For many, finally understanding the root of their struggles is empowering, but it also opens up questions of “what could have been different” if they had known sooner.

The Impact of Societal Expectations

Society often sets rigid expectations for how women should behave, succeed, and relate to others. These cultural pressures, such as being highly organized, emotionally available, and able to multitask flawlessly, can create significant challenges for neurodiverse women. When their brains process the world differently, these expectations can feel impossible to meet, leading to chronic stress and self-doubt.

Much of the burden falls under emotional labor: constantly managing one’s own feelings while also anticipating and responding to the needs of others. For neurodiverse women, this labor is magnified because they may also be masking their differences, trying to appear “typical,” and adapting to environments that aren’t designed for their way of thinking. Over time, this persistent adaptation leads to burnout, fatigue, and feelings of inadequacy.

Stigma and misconceptions further compound the challenge. When women struggle to meet societal norms, they are sometimes labeled “difficult,” “dramatic,” or “disorganized,” rather than being understood as neurodiverse. These misperceptions can erode self-esteem, make it harder to seek support, and reinforce the belief that something is inherently wrong with them, rather than recognizing that their brains simply operate differently.

Understanding the weight of societal expectations is crucial for therapists and for women themselves; it’s the first step toward validation, self-compassion, and building environments that allow neurodiverse women to thrive.

Strengths of Neurodiverse Women

For women exploring their neurodiversity, it’s vital to understand one foundational truth: neurodivergence is not a deficit. Labeling these differences as “disorders” or “limitations,” as the DSM sometimes does, can be unfair and misleading. Neurodiverse brains simply experience and interact with the world differently, and that difference can be a source of extraordinary strength.

Whether we’re talking about ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or high sensitivity, there is nothing inherently wrong with being hyper-focused, highly creative, or deeply attuned to the moods and energies around you. Neurodiverse women often excel at problem-solving in unconventional ways, recognizing patterns others miss, and identifying when systems or relationships aren’t working. Many are among the most insightful, empathetic, and innovative thinkers, including women like:

Temple Grandin – autism advocate and groundbreaking animal behavior expert 

Simone Biles – ADHD athlete redefining excellence in gymnastics 

Katherine Johnson – mathematician whose calculations were critical to NASA missions 

Susan Cain – highly sensitive advocate and author on introversion and creative thinking

Shifting the narrative from “deficit” to “difference” is crucial. Society has historically undervalued these traits, but the very abilities that can feel out of step with traditional systems are often the ones that drive success, creativity, and influence. Empowering neurodiverse women means building confidence, focusing on abilities rather than limitations, and seeking environments that support and celebrate diverse ways of thinking. Not every space will accommodate neurodivergent traits, but there are spaces both personally and professionally where these differences can thrive. Recognizing, embracing, and leveraging these strengths is the path to self-understanding, fulfillment, and success.

Supporting Neurodiverse Women in Therapy

Therapy can be a powerful, affirming space for women exploring their neurodiversity, especially when working with a neurodivergent or neuroaffirming provider. These are important keywords to look for when seeking a therapist, as such professionals are equipped to validate your experiences and help you understand your worldview without pressuring you to conform to neurotypical norms.

One key role of therapy is helping women recognize and challenge misinformation about their neurodivergence. Many women carry shame around struggles like executive functioning, completing tasks, or managing energy. A common example is feeling, “I just can’t get anything done,” when the reality may be that the environment they are in doesn’t support how their brain works. Therapy helps reframe these experiences, showing that challenges often arise from structural or societal misalignment, not personal failure.

Therapy also supports self-understanding and unmasking, enabling women to explore who they truly are and how their neurodivergence shapes their strengths, preferences, and potential. This can be transformative: women often discover the confidence to pursue careers, education, or creative endeavors they previously felt were out of reach because they feared they wouldn’t “fit in” or perform like everyone else.

Practical tools used in therapy may include:

• Executive functioning coaching to support planning and task completion

• Coping skills for sensory processing challenges

• Emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills, including techniques like urge surfing from DBT or mindfulness practices

• DBT “please” skills to maintain basic physical and mental health

Ultimately, therapy aims to build confidence through recognition of strengths. Neurodiverse women often excel in areas that society undervalues, and therapy provides a space to identify, nurture, and leverage those abilities. Connecting with neurodiverse communities and environments that support diverse thinking is also essential. You don’t have to shrink or hide to accommodate spaces that weren’t built for you; therapy can empower you to advocate for yourself, claim your needs, and thrive as your authentic self.

Resources and Next Steps

For women exploring their neurodiversity, having access to reliable resources and supportive communities can make a profound difference.

Books and Reading Materials:

• Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden – a classic on ADHD in women

• NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman – explores autism and neurodiversity in depth

• The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron – for those identifying as highly sensitive

• Practical guides on executive functioning, emotional regulation, and coping strategies tailored to neurodiverse minds

Organizations and Online Communities:

• Online forums and Facebook groups for neurodiverse women

• Advocacy organizations such as CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) or Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN)

• Local or virtual support groups focused on ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or high sensitivity

Taking Action for Self-Discovery and Support:

• Seek a neuroaffirming therapist or a provider familiar with neurodiversity

• Reflect on your strengths, challenges, and patterns through journaling or self-assessment exercises

• Advocate for accommodations in your workplace, school, or personal life where necessary

Empowerment and Encouragement:

Remember, neurodiversity is not a deficit. Understanding your brain and how it works allows you to leverage your strengths, navigate challenges more effectively, and embrace your authentic self. Growth, fulfillment, and success are possible at any stage of life, and you are not alone; support, resources, and communities exist to help you thrive.

About the Author & Black & Bold Therapy

Jasmine Jaquess, MA, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado and the founder of Black & Bold Therapy. As a neurodivergent clinician with ADHD, Jasmine brings

personal insight and professional expertise to her work supporting neurodiverse individuals, including those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and high sensitivity.

Jasmine’s practice extends beyond neurodiversity. She works with athletes, individuals navigating trauma, those recovering from eating disorders, and clients overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, toxic relationships, and experiences with narcissistic abuse. Her approach helps clients reclaim their narratives, build practical skills, and create empowered, fulfilling lives.

Black & Bold Therapy is dedicated to helping clients go from surviving to thriving. Through neurodiversity-affirming care, trauma-informed approaches, and identity work, the practice empowers clients to embrace their differences, leverage their strengths, and build meaningful, supported lives. To learn more, explore the blogs and resources available on the Black & Bold Therapy website.